I'm leavin on a jet plane dont know when I'll be back again...

You know how sometimes you just wish you could drop everything and run away for a little while? Well i sure as hell know i do and i think i might. Except I'm not quite "running" away from things it will be more of an "extended vacation" (humor me)

My mom lives about 2,500 miles away I'm on the east coast she's on the west. I have the opportunity to go stay with her for a few months. I can go there get serious about getting in shape and getting my self esteem back and just kinda get away from "things" for a little while to clear my head with no distractions. I'll get a job, spend tons of time on art projects I've been wantings to start and finish, I'll work out everyday and start feeling better about myself. I KNOW i can accomplish all these goals while I'm there I've done it before. (about two years ago i stayed with her for 6 months)

I don't really have anything great going on here. I have a pretty damn good job and I'll be sad to leave, although i don't own the store i treat it as if it's mine and i don't really want anyone else "messing" with it. So that will be tough but I'll get over it. I might even see if there is someway i can still be part of the business while I'm gone.

When it comes to F ya i love him but not like i once did. I don't think i even know the real him. It's hard to end relationships, and this one is one unlike any others i have been in. It is the longest and the only one where love and family was really involved. I've delt with things I NEVER in million years thought I'd have to deal with (then again who imagines falling in love with a heroin addict) I've fought hard to keep it strong and going. I've put ALOT of time and alot of my heart into it. I feel that im just going to keep hurting if i don't make a drastic change. This is ALL still new to me like I said things Ive never delt with before. Things you cant imagine untill your in the situation and the only way you can know is through experience. I've been strong..getting weak sometimes but pulling through it and I can't do it anymore.

I've REALLY been thinking about this ALOT lately. Part of me is really excited to go excited to start changing for the better. Part of me is worrying that I'll hate it (she moved to a diff area more in the mountains and in a very small town) I know i can come back and if i don't like it that much ill just have to deal with it for the time. It would be worth it anyway just to get myself back.

Now I haven't made my mind up 100% yet but if i decide to go i have a few options. My mom is coming over this way for business in about 2 1/2 weeks. She wants me to bring my car so one option would be to drive back there with her around Dec 9th when she goes home. IF i do that she is also planning to come back for Christmas. Id have to fork up about $200.00 for the plane ticket to come back here with them. If i wait and just go when they go back home AFTER Christmas that will be another 6 weeks I'd have to stay here. I really don't want to waist 6 more weeks.. I can accomplish ALOT over there in 6 weeks and once i make my mind up I'm not going to want to wait. So i think id rather just pay the $200.00 and go sooner then later.

I just think getting away for a while may be what i need right now. Apparently I don't have the strength to do somethings on my own right now, and maybe i just need a little help. I know i need help and im not getting it here. I also miss the old lady and I've seen ALOT and been through even more over the past 2 years and realized just how short life really is.

decisions.. decisions...