oh, my poor jail bird

So Being as inpatient as the next person in jail F has been bugging me about calling all these diff people and places to find out his release date. Now i can only imagine how boring it is in there and all you do all day is think so im sure he just wants to know so he can kinda count down. Ive called these people, so has his mom. We havent gotten an exact date but its gunna be somewhere around the 4th of Oct. So i told him just start counting down to Oct.1 and know that it will only be days after that or maybe even before. Well thats not enough and this morning he asked me to call this one lady in the parol dept. I'm at work... i hate making those calls at work its not proffesional and i dont need people hearing me talk about those things here. I asked his mom to call, all she does all day is sit on her ass, so i thought id ask her even though she has called b4 also. Well. her response was " Tell him to stop and to relax, I'm not calling, i already called and they told me the 4th bla blah blah" So of course being the overdramatic that i can be it felt like she was yelling this at me and therefor i felt like a fool for even asking the bitch.. tho she does have a point we have called several times and its time to just let it go. I called this lady at the jail anyway and she couldnt talk to me ..confidentiality blah blah blah shit and she wasnt the nicest. So now i kinda feel crappy for even making the calls i knew what was going to happen and i shouldnt have called, once again i allowed him to control me. Well when i talk to him again im telling him thats it! no more phone calls.

Before that convo we were talking about how his moms bday is comming up and i mentioned that one of my friends bday is also comming at the end of the month. I told him how she invited me to go on some party bus with other people into NY for the night.. bar hoping and sillyness i guess. Well b4 i told F about it i told her i couldnt go, for a few reasons. I cant afford a present AND the 50$ to go on this thing ,plus food plus drinks yada yada.. oh yea i forgot "i dont drink anymore" ( thats something i gave up b/c of F i tend to forget sumtimes) also its on a mon night and i have work the next day so i sed i cant make it.. When i mentioned it to F this AM he said "your not going" b4 i even got to tell him i already told her i wasnt going. He was serious though, he didnt want me to go and he prob would have been mader then mad if i went. I can understand where he is comming from i woudlnt really want him goin on sum party bus into NY with out me either... yea im a control freak just like him lol So yea he is the main reason why im not going.. plus i dont drink...or im not supposed to and i really really dont have the money to spend so i guess it is a combo of a few things. Then i mentioned that i told her id take her out to eat just me n her either b4 or after her bday and his reaction was "After! so i can come!" In my head im thinking didnt you hear Just ME and HER. I havent hung out with her in so long and she is the best of the bests, I wouldnt care if he came another time, he would get along with her b/f so it would b cool. Not this time though..we need some girl time anyway.

I have never done anything to make him not trust me, not even the smallest thing. He should be happy that i dont go out on friday or sat nights with me friends (while he is in jail) and me going out to eat with a good friend for her bday should not EVEN be an issue.

Ive put up with so much shit from him and i waited around for him for so long i deserve this! I understand he is lonely in there and jealous that i can go out and he cant (he told me ) But he needs to see that HE put him self there no one else. Maybe THIS time he is in there for silly reasons like missing a parol meetting or w/e and its not sumthing more serious like giving a dirty urine but still if he wasnt doing the wrong thing at some point he wouldnt be there.

It's just stressfull. I wish he would just say ..go have a good time. Thats all i dont ask for much .
The whole going out thing is hard. I dont want to make him jealous or to make him worry about who im with and what im doing. So If i did go out with a friend ( by go out i mean go shopping or out to eat, not out out) i would opt not to tell him. Id rather not tell him then have to listen to him complain about it or to get a million phone calls during my outage.

I'm going out to eat with her for her bday he is not going to stop me. I cant put my life on hold comletly while he is gone and he is just going to have to understand that, besides im not doing anything wrong! its completly innocent!