Maids are sexy

So it's 10:52 pm ..im up...bright eyed and bushy tailed..i cant believe it im such an old lady i go to bed so early usually.. im happy though i accomplished some things today that have been on my mind lately. first i cleaned my car.. to say it was disgusting would be an understatement.. i cleaned it and i cleaned it and i cleaned it some more.. inside AND out..by the time i was done with the inside it was dark but that didn't stop me..can you believe i washed my car in the drk..with the bugs..ughh i hate bugs i made my dad come outside to turn the hose on n off for me.. its behind a bush n i was scared there would be a big black spider.. i despise of them...im such a pu&&y. SO after that i took a shower and i Finally cleaned my room... its so nice to be sitting on my bed typing away in my favorite blog (my only blog) and to look around and actually be able to see my floor.. and my bed... ive been sleeping on the couch and on occasion coming up to my room and sleeping on top of w/e was on my bed. im so lazy.. i just cant get motivated for shit lately. im glad i did today though those things needed to be done big time.

Tomorrow i have to wake up a lil earlier ..i have an 8:00 apt. to get an estimate for my car.. yea......... i was rear-ended last week, i think it just needs a new bumper cover.. the kid is paying for it.. and i just got that damn bumper in may when someone else rear-ended me.. i swear im not a bad driver!! it wasnt even my fault and F was driving the first time.

oh yea F... so he gets out tomorrow.. he went from the hosp to this short stay rehab place.. he frequents this place often well about 4 times in the past...year.. less than a year.... so all his tests came up fine.. they said the reason his white blood cell count was so high was due to his stiches (he cut his hand the other week) or his lip ring(he just got that done last weekend,,he took it out) so idk it doesn't make sense cuz they got us al worried saying it was at a leukemia level... and then they just release him...doctors suck with communication!. So i'm goin to pick him up 2marrow wheni get outta work and from what he told me.. it looks like were goin to his moms for dinner... i havent talked to her yet. it's so weird..im excited to see him....why? he took pills and lied to me less than a week ago.... this emotional roller coaster better come to and end soon or im guna jump off.

so i was just looking for a picture of a maid to include with the post...and almost 60% of the pic's were dirty... tis tis tis..like really dirty...full on action shots... geeez i guess maids are associated with sex....i opted for a feather duster..

nighty night

home is where the heart is

I just wanted to say... i love comming here.. it feels like home

I cant think of anything write at the present moment.. hopefully tomarrow. i need to give an up date on what happend with F anyway

untill then

I hope he will be ok

Yesterday the second i talked to F on the phone i new somthing was up, even more so when i saw him. To make a long story short he used yest.. he took 3 painkillers. we went on hours of arguing over the fact that i knew he was high and him barely holding his head up and his eyes open telling me.... im not high!! He had his first appt for counseling yest at 7.. we were on our way there when we got into a lil fender bender.. he was freaking out about how he wasnt going to make it there on time.. so he found sum random guy in the parking lot to bring him there.. it was just right up the street. While waiting for the cops to arrive ..about 20 minutes later he comes strolling back.. and tells me they kicked him out b.c he was late.. I thought to my self... yea ok.. u must think im PRETTY dumb..huh...So we wrapped up the accident crap and i told him i wanted to get a test..hey... if ur not high u have nothing to worry about..right? well he refused.. so he decided he needed to go to the hosp... he was very depressed yada yada yada.. so i took him there..around 11:30 i get a call from him..and his mom.. apparently.. his white blood cell count his very high.there is an infection in his body... so they are doing a bunch of tests on him to see what the prob is... So now im scared.. what could it be? if he hadn't taken those pills.. and gone to hosp.. we would never no something is seriously wrong with him.. not saying..im glad he took em... but..everything happens for a reasons.. Im glad he got there.. b4 hopefully its not too late and they can fix w/e the prob is...

This kid needs help though.. he is so unstable.. always saying he'd b better off dead...he doesn't no how to live.. or survive on his own.. i believe he suffers from severe depression... he's gotta kick this habit and get some psychological help for real.. enough is enough

Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh my!!

This weekend i went up to my aunt and uncles with my cousin. There was a fair going on so we went for a bit on sat.. i'm not gunna lie i had fun.. gatta love funnel cake and carnival rides. We went on the bumper cars felt sooo good to smash into all the poor defenseless people. I had plenty of built up anger inside of me that needed to come..they shoulda been warned b4 hand. If only it really were only 25 cents.... after the fair we went to this restaurant literally in the woods.. in the middle of no where. It was awesome though cuz the whole back of the restaurant was glass windows.. they put corn outside so deer will come. Well this time there were no deer..can you guess why????? cuz there was a bear!!!!!! it was soooo cool... right in front of our window too.

Sunday me n my cousin went horseback riding, my aunt chickened out she had never been on a horse b4. it was prob better cuz the trail was very rocky and pretty much either up or down hill right at the edge of cliffs.. she prob woulda $#%^ herself.

So that was my weekend.. it was nice.. got a lil break from you no who and thats about it...dont feel like typing anymore...gunna make a CD

until next time

Ok so maybe i overreacted

i always overreact... i have a problem with that.. im sooo f'in sensitive to things this littlest things hurt my feelings.. its SO easy for me to go from being happy to sad .... So he called me back about an hour later ..happy.. like nothing happend.. im still sour about the whole hanging up thing n wut he said.. but to him it was nothing.. why was it such a biiiiiig deal to me.. y can i just be like eww and go on with my life.. why must i dwell on the small things.... i get my self all upset.. i do this alot.. i think soooooo far outside of the box that im driving my self nuts.. I'm sure.. when he said "can you put up the 20$ so u can bring me to work" he didnt mean it the way i took it... i took it as.. i dont want to see you.. i dont like you... i just need a ride to work..i want to use you... why do i think this way.... at least i notice it and notice there is a problem.. god im gunna end up having 15 blogs a day by the looks of it..

I wound up NOT going to the gym yest... im'a bad girl i know.. i did have the worst headache tho. i think it was a migrain i couldnt stand anykind of noise or the sun... anyway that was the main reason i didnt go.. and here we are its 3:16 less than 2 hours of work to go and ill be faced with the gym. idk why certaint things r so hard for me.. i am SO codependent its not funny.. i need to learn how to be independant.. i care WAY too much about what ppl think or will say.. and that is something that is not very easy for me to admitt... it all boils down to my huuuuuge lack in selfconfidence... which comes from the way i feel about my self. im not happy with my self and i know what can fix it.. mainly going to the gym.. working out.. loosing weight. and eventually feeling better about my self and being able to no give a damn about anyone and wut they say.. that shouldnt be a reason tho... my friend had a similat prob... but it was her boobs... she is very pretty thin.. the hole 9.. well 8....she was a little lacking in the bra dept. and this kept her from wearing certain things and going certain places.. so she went n got her self a lil boobjob.. now she wears certain shirts like its her business and go wherever she wants.. its similar cuz tho i cant fix my prob with plastic surgery (well i can but im not EVEN gunna go there) they are alike in the way that she fixed her insecurities and now is happier.. may sound silly but certain things really bother ppl to a certain point where serious measures need to be taken.. anyway i know i can do this cuz i have done it b4..i lost a bunch of weight felt great looked great got hit on by every guy and his brother... then i met F and got depressed and shit went down hill..so now im back at square one... i can do this!! i will do this!!!

so this blog went from talking about how im a crazy drama queen to how i need to suck it up n get one the damn tredmill.... thats just how speratic my mind is lately..

p.s how perfect is that pic.... they just had to be moking Dairy Queen lol







until next time...

His way or the highway

GRRRR i hate him!!! i hate him sometimes... He makes a good day bad in just 4 mintues. He calls me and im so excited to hear his voice. He wants me to stay at hotel with him tongith which would mean me paying $20.( if your staying there and the state is paying for it you have to pay 20$ as a visiter to stay there..which i undestand..). but the way he asks me is "Can you put up the $20 so you can bring me to work tomarrow?" geeee thanks that really makes me feel good... why dont you just say .. i dont want to spend time with you hunny i just want a ride to work.. well i said no.. i dont have the money for that... and sertainly not when he asks me like that.. so now i feel like shit.. but i cant let that ruin my whole day its only 1:41. It just sux... and the he hung up on me! and i hate that so much.. and i cant even call him back cuz he is worken at sum guys house n he snuck the phone for a sec. grrrrr he makes me so mad.. when ever he doesnt get his way he is such a #$#%$# baby!! its not fair...;o(

Gym

Well my friend and i joined a gym on monday. We only worked out for like 20 minutes cuz she felt dizzy. I drove so I had to drive her to her car. Yest i was planning on going all day and then 5:00 came i was tierd..stressed..and just didnt feel like going to the gym. So i didn't she wasnt going anyway. So here we are.. its wednesday I am fighting with my friend i joined the gym with over guess who..... the addict... she calls me dumb and says im a liar just b/c i have things to do that dont involve her. so i should really still go alone...i just dont have the motivation. i dont no y... going to the gym loosing weight and feeling better about my self will help this situation SO much. Im not gunna go to the gym that i paid $55 for just b/c she is being a child...??? am i serious... I just wish i could get more motivated.. i spend too much time worrying about him about what he's doing and where he is.. if he is ok... i know i need to do me.. but its hard ecpesially when i never do.. its always everyone else.. i give n give n give.. n what do i get back.. nothing... it makes me so sad to have these arguments with my friend... it really hurts when she calls me dumb and stupid.. i no were she is comming from tho... cuz she knows whut he has done n how he as and continues to hurt me.. i dont no anymore.. i dont no wut to do..