So not all my friends now about F's addiction and i keep it that way b/c not everyone needs to know. Also b/c I know how certain people will react and the things they would probably say and of course i wouldnt want to hear it so I opt not to tell them. Well i have this one friend, he is a pretty good friend i tell him alot, he did not know about F well up untill tonight. I didnt want to tel him b/c he is a very blunt, upfront and honest person. I pretty much knew how he would react but part of me thought maybe he would be understanding. I asked him before i began to tell him to please not judge me and he promised not too. Well this is how the convo went....
ME-He's an addict...
so our relationship has been really rough on me
HIM-are u serious
HIM- u kno better tho
ME-his drug of choice is heroin..
HIM-"love" or not
ME-'amongst other things
but thats the main one
HIM-c,mon alyssa
ME-please...dont pass judgments on me...
ME-there r enough people who have done that
HIM-u kno i wont
ME-ok
this is REALLY hard on me
esp right now
any way he has been in n out of jail and "programs" halfway house bullshit
HIM-thats love
ME-what?
HIM-jus bustin balls go ahead
ME-dont
HIM-so leave him that jus made ur mind up for you
ME- well its not that easy
HIM-y not
ME-cuz its just not it's sad...and its hard to see the person you love..turn into this monster and do awful things and lie to you and hurt everyone around them..and not be able to stop and to think that the only thing that may stop him is death
HIM-well i guess i say u make ur bed u lie in it
ME-yes.
HIM-if my best friend turned into a junkie piece of shit like ur bf id say fuk him
ME-its not like that tho...
not all people who use drugs are junkie and pieces of shit
HIM-ive dumped mad friends b4...a whole group of Friends cuz they were into drugs and i wasnt anymore fuk em
ME- its diff when its someone you love
HIM-he cant stay out of jail so he is a piece of shit
hes lyin to you so he is
HIM-this is not jeopardy he is a a jerk off and u love him
look ur with a loser and im ur friend so i care about u he is trash
ME-u dont even no him
HIM-i dont need to
he is a junkie
thats all i need dont be an idiot
ME-im not an idiot..
HIM-if u stay with him and eventually rot u are an idiot
ull come to ur senses
stay with him and ull be jus like him
HIM-i care about you and i kno ur hurtin but hes a junkie and def not the last boy...or man in the world let him grow up on his own
ME-ok i no this..and its easy for u too say these things...but ive been though alot with him..ive learned alot ive seen alot..and this is not an easy thing to accept
HIM-drop him and let him take his own life and destroy it not urs and everyone elses too
ME-im at that point
HIM-hes a loser and stop carin about him...fuk that lifestyle
ME-i cant just stop caring about sumone..esp when i no they are hurting...putting all the shity stuff he has done aside he is still a human and in pain he had an awful childhood and chose drugs to take away the pain and became addicted..its not an easy thing to over come
and if u do overcome it your lucky
HIM-like i say u will realize the truth soon and i wont be such an asshole
So should i have listened to my self and not told him or are these things i need to hear?
I didn't expect him to be all "poor me" and shit but geez have a little compassion. Thats the exact reason why i don't tell people b/c the last thing i need is to be called an idiot and to hear someone call him names , even if some of them are true i still dont wanna hear it this is hard enough. I hear what he's saying and i know he didnt say those things to hurt me but it does hurt.. Is he really a junkie?am i blinded by love?
To tell the truth if i didnt no what i do about addiction i would probably respond in a similar way. The truth really does hurt but is what he said the truth?... or is he just someone on the outside looking in knowing only the bad stuff...
I know i can not be with him right now maybe i will never be able to be with him but to be told by a friend to just stop caring and that he is a junkie..is just a hard thing to hear and that J word sure is strong but is that really what he is? Am i just too hopefully to admit that to my self.
I guess only time can tell
but i defiantly regret telling my friend cuz now im upset with him. But i shouldn't be b/c i know he only cares i just wish he wasn't so harsh....
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The truth hurts.
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3 comments:
There is no answer. He's right and he's wrong. I'm a heroin junkie, too.I was clean for 9 years and went off the deep end before Thanksgiving. I kicked again and now I'm ok but I thank God my people still love and believe in me. I imagine that you must come to a point of never enabling or they will continue. if you make it easy they'll never stop. There has to be consequences to our actions or we never stop. Let him fall, so he can pick himself up. But if you love him, be stern but never just give up.
I agree w/ DBS. Your friend sounds like he has no real experience with an addict. OR maybe he DOES, and can't get past the resentment. Either way, the best thing I would suggest is that you DO step back, as in WAY less emotionally involved with him, and be his FRIEND. You know the saying "if you don't love urself, u can't love somebody else?" Well, "love" does not mean you let anyone else walk over you, in other words, he has done you wrong, don't just roll over. Let him know about it, Stand up for YOU.
I urge you to get ahold of a book called "Boundaries"---Hazelden published it. You can certainly love an active addict, but you aren't helping ANYONE if you get so close to the whirlpool that you get sucked down with him. (Love them from an arms' length. Don't give in b/c unless they get to FEEL some real pain---like ppl they've hurt pulling WAY back from them, for example---there is no reason to quit the drugs.)
Part of what keeps addicts in their addiction is those who will continue to care-take. It's called "loving them to death". Good intentions and all are not good in that case...
A coworker of mine said she told a girl how "crazy" she was for staying with her drug addicted boyfriend. Years later, when her own boyfriend became crack-addicted, she said she really felt bad for saying what she had said. She had NO IDEA what it was like til' she actually went thru it.
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